[Sunday October 18, 09 06:46pm] You know what I love most about my mom? I love her cooking, but thats not it. I know she's always going to do anything possible to give me what I want. Thankfully, I try not to abuse this. Specifically I love when I don't feel good. I don't know what or who it is, I don't know how to explain it, all I have to do is ask her to pick me up and no matter where I am or where she is she will fight and find a way, the quickest way, to pick me up. She'll usually hug me or she'll just pretend like she doesn't know whats going on with me and she always knows which one I need and as soon as I am with her for a little while everything gets better. I love my mom and no matter what happens to me I can make it through as long as I have her. CMNT

[Friday October 09, 09 06:13pm] I neever post. I know. But in alll fairness there isn't much to say and more importantly I feel like no one listens. I have no urge to revisit my embarassing memories of my pathetic life, so this journal isn't even here for my own personal memory recorder. I go to college now. I don't like my math class, I dread mondays and the 3 hours I suffer through class. I like my english teacher, and her class is interesting. I suck at it though. The other day I came out of class crying and the only person I can blame is myself. I forgot I had 2 packets to do, I didn't study for the test or the quiz and subsequently failed and then I had 2 of my peers review my essay and it did terrible. To be honest, I suck at writing. I also bullshitted most of it, and didn't spend much effort on it. I just felt terrible, stupid, and depleted. I need to work harder but don't have the motivation. I got fired in August, a few days before school started. Thankfully I have unemployment and make about $800 a month. Thats enough to pay for what we need. Chris still works at the pier. We moved from a 2 bedroom house to a 1 bedroom apartment in a much nicer area. I am walking distance from a walgreens, a winn dixie, my first job at wings & more, the publix, the post office, the police department and the city hall. Lighthouse Point is a tiny town. We live in the second floor. We have vaulted ceilings in the living room and a long kitchen. The cons are that we live on the second floor, his mother is currently living with us which is such a huge stressor in our life it isn't even worth mentioning, and we have carpets. Chris is obsessively telling me to not dirty the carpets, to get sam fixed, to not touch the walls, to clean sam's litter, clean my messes, clean this, do that, don't do that, i told you not to do that, stop doing that, etc. I tend to laugh it off. He's stressing himself out so much. We finally got cable and internet today. I haven't had cable and internet in my own place ever, and when i lived with my mom its been like, 4 years. I still see my therapist, alex, but i don't see my psychiatrist anymore. i don't take my medicines anymore. I've gained weight. so has Chris. Its been 13 months and 2 days since we started dating and we're both very happy. He takes me to school 3 times a week and stays at the cafe waiting till I'm done. He's very supportive. Sigh. Anyway. If I'm not at school I'm not doing much. Whatever friends I have I've alienated and I only hang out with ariel, and even that is very rare. She's been busy a lot, she doesn't talk to me as much as she used to. I feel a lot of times that I'm not living. Especially not for a twenty year old but I feel helpless and I don't want to do anything. I don't know. I try not to think about things like that much because if I do I'll just get depressed and stressed. Which I don't like to do. I finally learned how to make my mom's chicken and potatoes. So I'm happy. CMNT

[Wednesday July 08, 09 11:02am] Well, I'm already at an airport again. Heading home. The vacation was pretty good. Monday when we arrived at Atlantic City we went out to eat at chilis (not my choice, i wanted the 'true nj experience' not the cheesy bean unlimited dip) and then we headed to Sheann's home. Its lovely! Their next door neighbors own goats and horses and they had rabbits running around their yards. They had GROUNDHOGS! Groundhogs, for christ's sake!! How awesome. We got a tour of the house, Chris's sister Michelle's husband came from NY and they played this Wii game called..redneck something. Idk. I played the Sims. The tiny living room was the bedroom for chris, me, his dad, his sister, & her husband. Michelle & Jason got an inflatable mattress, RB (Chris's dad) got the love seat and graciously allowed me to sleep in the big couch and chris got a sleeping bag next to me. I actually slept well but i cant say the same for chris & michelle & Jason. Tuesday was the funeral. We went in frst with the immediate family and had a open casket goodbye. I actually didnt know Lisa very well so I didnt cry, or was very affected. Then at 9 they closed the casket and had non immediate family and friends come. There was a lot of crying. I actually cried a bit because Lisa's brother & her nephew were sobbing so hard and I'd never seen grown men cry like that. After the funeral part we went to the burial site, said a prayer, headed to Sam (the brothers) house for food. That was nice. After the food Michelle, Jason, Chris & I went to another town to visit their grandma for about 3 hours just chatting. Finally we left, went back to Millville (hehe) and we went out to dinner at a fabulous diner. That was good. Then we went back to the house and slept. Woke up in the AM. I had cannolis and 9AM Meatloaf. Then we came here. We didnt get to stop at town tuckahoe unfortunately. Oh well. Now we're back at the airport and leaving to go home. the end! CMNT

[Monday July 06, 09 01:33pm] oh, and i dont hate my job anymore. now i work in the data entry department handling the faxes/enrolling some new clients. its excellent. i bought an ipod touch to listen to music and look cool so its all good. CMNT

[Monday July 06, 09 01:24pm] Well, per usual I hardly update. But really there isnt much to tell. I work. I sleep. I watch tv, go out, have sex, and repeat. Chris and I are still together. 10 blissful months tomorrow. His mom moved in last week because she has no place to live when her lease went out and because we could use the money she gets from her alimony. She also took her cat, which i could live without. but whatever. my cat, sam, runs out sometimes at night when we're opening the door and he keeps getting into fights and coming home in the morning scratched up like shit. poor thing. we took him to my moms house for a few days while i was cat-sitting for this girl liz. my cat lost a lot of weight! poor thing was already thin as is. chris lost his stepmom. she had bone cancer. his poor dad. so we're actually at the airport right now. we're going to atlantic city until wednesday for the funeral. idk where we're staying. i think we're staying at his stepmother's daughters house. that'll be a tearfest. but i have chris and my laptop so ill be ok. i bought a laptop with some of my income tax money. its a dell studio 15. i dont have internet at home so all ive done is play the sims 3. i love the sims 3. i was only play the sims 1 before, not even sims 2. so yeah, its excellent. this is my first time online and i dont really have anything to do so all ive done is play the sims. umm. i start college august 24th. and my birthday is the 24th of this month. ill be 20. err. well, i guess thats it then. CMNT

navigation [ viewing | most recent entries ] [ go | earlier ]