A great way of looking at life

Sun, 18 Oct 2009 22:46:46 GMT

You know what I love most about my mom? I love her cooking, but thats not it. I know she's always going to do anything possible to give me what I want. Thankfully, I try not to abuse this. Specifically I love when I don't feel good. I don't know what or who it is, I don't know how to explain it, all I have to do is ask her to pick me up and no matter where I am or where she is she will fight and find a way, the quickest way, to pick me up. She'll usually hug me or she'll just pretend like she doesn't know whats going on with me and she always knows which one I need and as soon as I am with her for a little while everything gets better. I love my mom and no matter what happens to me I can make it through as long as I have her.

Fri, 09 Oct 2009 22:26:06 GMT

I neever post. I know. But in alll fairness there isn't much to say and more importantly I feel like no one listens. I have no urge to revisit my embarassing memories of my pathetic life, so this journal isn't even here for my own personal memory recorder. I go to college now. I don't like my math class, I dread mondays and the 3 hours I suffer through class. I like my english teacher, and her class is interesting. I suck at it though. The other day I came out of class crying and the only person I can blame is myself. I forgot I had 2 packets to do, I didn't study for the test or the quiz and subsequently failed and then I had 2 of my peers review my essay and it did terrible. To be honest, I suck at writing. I also bullshitted most of it, and didn't spend much effort on it. I just felt terrible, stupid, and depleted. I need to work harder but don't have the motivation. I got fired in August, a few days before school started. Thankfully I have unemployment and make about $800 a month. Thats enough to pay for what we need. Chris still works at the pier. We moved from a 2 bedroom house to a 1 bedroom apartment in a much nicer area. I am walking distance from a walgreens, a winn dixie, my first job at wings & more, the publix, the post office, the police department and the city hall. Lighthouse Point is a tiny town. We live in the second floor. We have vaulted ceilings in the living room and a long kitchen. The cons are that we live on the second floor, his mother is currently living with us which is such a huge stressor in our life it isn't even worth mentioning, and we have carpets. Chris is obsessively telling me to not dirty the carpets, to get sam fixed, to not touch the walls, to clean sam's litter, clean my messes, clean this, do that, don't do that, i told you not to do that, stop doing that, etc. I tend to laugh it off. He's stressing himself out so much. We finally got cable and internet today. I haven't had cable and internet in my own place ever, and when i lived with my mom its been like, 4 years. I still see my therapist, alex, but i don't see my psychiatrist anymore. i don't take my medicines anymore. I've gained weight. so has Chris. Its been 13 months and 2 days since we started dating and we're both very happy. He takes me to school 3 times a week and stays at the cafe waiting till I'm done. He's very supportive. Sigh. Anyway. If I'm not at school I'm not doing much. Whatever friends I have I've alienated and I only hang out with ariel, and even that is very rare. She's been busy a lot, she doesn't talk to me as much as she used to. I feel a lot of times that I'm not living. Especially not for a twenty year old but I feel helpless and I don't want to do anything. I don't know. I try not to think about things like that much because if I do I'll just get depressed and stressed. Which I don't like to do. I finally learned how to make my mom's chicken and potatoes. So I'm happy.

Wed, 08 Jul 2009 15:05:51 GMT

Well, I'm already at an airport again. Heading home. The vacation was pretty good. Monday when we arrived at Atlantic City we went out to eat at chilis (not my choice, i wanted the 'true nj experience' not the cheesy bean unlimited dip) and then we headed to Sheann's home. Its lovely! Their next door neighbors own goats and horses and they had rabbits running around their yards. They had GROUNDHOGS! Groundhogs, for christ's sake!! How awesome. We got a tour of the house, Chris's sister Michelle's husband came from NY and they played this Wii game called..redneck something. Idk. I played the Sims. The tiny living room was the bedroom for chris, me, his dad, his sister, & her husband. Michelle & Jason got an inflatable mattress, RB (Chris's dad) got the love seat and graciously allowed me to sleep in the big couch and chris got a sleeping bag next to me. I actually slept well but i cant say the same for chris & michelle & Jason. Tuesday was the funeral. We went in frst with the immediate family and had a open casket goodbye. I actually didnt know Lisa very well so I didnt cry, or was very affected. Then at 9 they closed the casket and had non immediate family and friends come. There was a lot of crying. I actually cried a bit because Lisa's brother & her nephew were sobbing so hard and I'd never seen grown men cry like that. After the funeral part we went to the burial site, said a prayer, headed to Sam (the brothers) house for food. That was nice. After the food Michelle, Jason, Chris & I went to another town to visit their grandma for about 3 hours just chatting. Finally we left, went back to Millville (hehe) and we went out to dinner at a fabulous diner. That was good. Then we went back to the house and slept. Woke up in the AM. I had cannolis and 9AM Meatloaf. Then we came here. We didnt get to stop at town tuckahoe unfortunately. Oh well. Now we're back at the airport and leaving to go home. the end!

Mon, 06 Jul 2009 17:34:35 GMT

oh, and i dont hate my job anymore. now i work in the data entry department handling the faxes/enrolling some new clients. its excellent. i bought an ipod touch to listen to music and look cool so its all good.

Mon, 06 Jul 2009 17:32:45 GMT

Well, per usual I hardly update. But really there isnt much to tell. I work. I sleep. I watch tv, go out, have sex, and repeat. Chris and I are still together. 10 blissful months tomorrow. His mom moved in last week because she has no place to live when her lease went out and because we could use the money she gets from her alimony. She also took her cat, which i could live without. but whatever. my cat, sam, runs out sometimes at night when we're opening the door and he keeps getting into fights and coming home in the morning scratched up like shit. poor thing. we took him to my moms house for a few days while i was cat-sitting for this girl liz. my cat lost a lot of weight! poor thing was already thin as is. chris lost his stepmom. she had bone cancer. his poor dad. so we're actually at the airport right now. we're going to atlantic city until wednesday for the funeral. idk where we're staying. i think we're staying at his stepmother's daughters house. that'll be a tearfest. but i have chris and my laptop so ill be ok. i bought a laptop with some of my income tax money. its a dell studio 15. i dont have internet at home so all ive done is play the sims 3. i love the sims 3. i was only play the sims 1 before, not even sims 2. so yeah, its excellent. this is my first time online and i dont really have anything to do so all ive done is play the sims. umm. i start college august 24th. and my birthday is the 24th of this month. ill be 20. err. well, i guess thats it then.

Tue, 10 Mar 2009 20:12:47 GMT

I feel so bad for chris. He has so much going on. His mom just potentially totaled his car so she has to move in by the end of the month so we can save money for her and us and give him money to repair his car. He said he wants her gone as soon as she can and he's taking over both the cars and she's not allowed to drive. I don't know how it'll be when she moves in, or how we'll fit her stuff. I dunno. She's very sick, but still. As much as I empathize for her I am more inclined to worry about chris. We have to go to jimy johns to get my W2 and go get toilet paper then I go home. He may go fishing. We took yesterday off and started applying. All I need is my dads 08 W2 and my SAT scores which I've already printed. Yay.

Mon, 23 Feb 2009 21:54:28 GMT

I have just swallowed my first pretty green pill. I have 89 more and I also have a pretty pink obscenely expensive pill ($15.57 each, which is only $2 each for me because I have aetna) and then some white pill. I get one white pill in the morning, one half pink pill in the night, and as many (up to 3) green pills to survive my day. The doctor said to wait till I get home but I'm hardcore. This is all to treat anxiety/depression/mania/bipolarisms/mood swings but so far I'm only diagnosed with the first two. The doctor says they all make me drowsy which is great since I was already tired to begin with. I also feel very warm. And I was stressed considering I spent $300 today on doctors/pills/lending my mom $20. The pills $80. It was only $10 for two of them but those fuckers on the pink side want to milk me out of $60. My heads hurting. My face is hurting. I've never taken medicine before so I'm anxious on how I will feel. She explained it that the green pills are for surviving work, the blue pills are to stop it more long term and the white pills are for months or however long. She told me that the white ones don't kick into effect for 3-4 months so ill be taking the pink ones which go into effect in 3ish days. Idk. I just want to relax and watch 24 and eat pasta all day. But apparently that's not productive, and I'm turning agoraphobic, so we must stop that. We must stop that by sticking me with pills and making me pay $150 and then $80 every time after to do this. I have another therapist, who is only $50, and I see her on mondays since I hate mondays. I wonder if the pills will stop me from crying so much. She said they destress me which will stop my voice quivers and antsyness. I wonder how long before they take effect. I need to refill my water but I fear I may stumble like a drunk. I feel a litle drowsy, like, out of focus but she explained that could just be me. Idk. Anyway. Here are my new glasses.

Tue, 17 Feb 2009 14:58:34 GMT

My therapist said that I'm in danger of agoraphobia and I smiled and said that would be great..

Wed, 21 Jan 2009 17:58:24 GMT

My Supervisor, who is the best supervisor I could ask for, calle us Peons yesterday. She said we are Peons, her included, and we should never forget that.

Tue, 13 Jan 2009 21:31:33 GMT

God, I hate work. Creditors are fucking snotty as hell and I've spent the last hour and a half calling them to try to get the satisfaction of debt letter for roughly 8 creditors. This is for one account. I get about 6 of these a week. That means I have to call all these fucktards for the letters. My last phone call lasted 25 minutes. This one is on 13. Ugh. Tomorrow I have off work, which is awesome. I get to waste all of my paid time off to wake up at 6:45am, drive my mom to her job. Then I get to go home and stare into space. I won't have anything to do, I wont be able to fall back asleep, and I will have over 2 hours of nothing to do before I have to take her shakey car and drive it through the death lanes to reach my dermatologist appointment. Hopefully my dad is going to be paying that, which will reduce my spendings. Then I drive back home. Rent and proceed to watch a lot of 24 until I have to attempt to find a doctor's office somewhere in Boca. Its Chris's doctor, and he recommended me, except I was hoping he'd come too and he wont because he'll be at work. Then I'll get to spend more money on that appointment, most likely spend more money buying prescriptions and such before finally going home...to shower and change and go to coral springs to visit my friend. Then I get to go home and watch more 24. Today Chris is going to cook mashed potatoes, dinner rolls, and these bacon wrapped steaks we bought yesterday. I love food shopping. We bought $30 worth of chicken last night (buy one get one free so it was only like $15) and so we'll be munching away at chicken for a while. Chris wants us to stop eating so much red meat. We also bought a lot of yogurt and chef boyardee things for no real reason besides the fact that we're 12. Anyway, I get to leave work in 12 minutes. Thankfully. And I did finish all the calls with those people. I even got 2 letters back already, so I'm up to only 6 more.

Wed, 07 Jan 2009 18:59:12 GMT

Well, I rang in my new years quietyly. My boyfriend was working so my mom and I stopped by to see him for a bit. The beach was much too hectic though so we quickly left. I stopped smoking pot. The original reason was that I spent a few days with some awful stomach aches whichh just became worse with the pot so I decided I must quit. It was a sunday afternoon and I finished the last of the weed, which actually made me feel amazing. The best high I'd had in a long time which just upset me knowing I was supposidely finishing. It didn't make me feel worse or anything. Traitor. This was on the 28th. Come monday the following day Chris told me he was going fishing with his best friend. I just gave up my best friend, and now that the reason of 'it makes me feel worse' left it sucked. I kept crying. I was deathly afraid of staying home alone. Weed was my solution to relax and not stress out and I was still stressed as hell and expected to quit. But Chris stuck with me and was very comforting with my crying and freaking out and rudeness. Now I'm on day 8. It seems like so much longer. Chris and I are much more sexually active, I'm happy, I'm eating significantly less. I used to have dreams about it. It was annoying. I had a dream Oprah gave me a shitload of weed. Who can say no to Oprah? Another dream I was so desperate for it I broke my pipe and was scraping for resin. I should throw away my box but I don't know. Alex thinks its therapeutic and medicinal and if I am going to do something, weed isn't a bad choice. But I don't want to upset Chris and I eventually have to quit so I might as well do it sooner rather than later. Today I'm going to meet his parents. Well, his father and stepmother. I've never met them. He told me his stepmother is rude to waitresses and his father is similar to him, I'd guess. I can't wait to meet his father. I'm moreso scared, though. What if they don't like me? I make awful impressions and I probably come off awfully and they'll hate me or something. What if they grill me like they would for their daughter? Ill fail. Chris isn't letting me go home and change beforehand so I brought an extra shirt and I forgot my perfume, and with Sam peeing on everything I feel like ill be smelling of pee. Oh well. I have my deodorant that I carry with me at all times and ill just have to hope for the best. I'm sure Chris will like me regardless of what his family thinks. All his redneck friends hate me and we're still going strong. Today marks 4 months, actually. Four very happy months. We bought a new dvd player so now I get to watch tv in my bed and never need to get up to lower the volume or stop it. Chris has been passing out early, though. I went to bed at 12 yesterday. I woke up like shit. Then my job didn't pay me the for extra half hour I worked and the woman who works the front, Patricia, keeps giving me these notes to call clients asap. I understand that Michael hardly works and Jemima isn't good at reading notes or relaying the correct info. Joe answered more phone calls than I do because I emphasize completing my tasks and tickets. Regardless, Michael does nearly nothing. I have 18 tickets. He has well over 100 and he only answers a handful of calls. Anyway, back to work I go. Here's a photo of my outfit for today, my cell phone where Chris gave me a sticker of 'Shirley Groseman' as in gross-man. And my cat.

Tue, 23 Dec 2008 18:37:52 GMT

Well, I'm sitting on a bench outside work. I have to take a 50 minute lunch or else kim will yell at me for leaving early, and I can't work over time so I have to kill time. Chris is making weights with Pat and my moms working, so here I am. Sitting. In pain. My stomachs been hurting all week. I just got my period and this morning I took midol, after a long time not taking it, on an empty stomach and then I proceeded to eat a glazed all over apple fritter. Its no wonder I'm sick. I eat disgustingly. Chris is going to try and lose weight and I'm going to join him, maybe. I don't know. The house is a mess. We need to buy dish washing soap and chris needs to wash the dishes and I need to get sam a new kitty litter because over the past two weeks he has peed on both beds several times, my chair, my floor, my curtains that I threw on the floor, my closet, and just about everywhere but the kitty box. Unfortunately, I am very lazy and uber stressed at my job due to their inefficiency so all I've been doing is going home and watching Lost. I'm on season 1 disk 5. My mom, tony, and my sister are on a lostfest also with me being the newest. Otherwise, today is tuesday so its my date with Vernelle although I may be leaving her earlier if I don't feel better. I haven't been taking my medicines right either. I hope its just my period but I feel like I'm going to a bad spot and ill blame this on work. Anyway, I'm going back to work. Nothing else to do, really. I even called Lizzie and she's off getting stampeded by hourse trailors or something.

Thu, 18 Dec 2008 15:59:33 GMT

well, its thursday which means it is nearly friday which means i am nearly free. i really hate my job a lot of the time, but i also really like it. but its ridiculous the way this office is structured and how lax their policies are. they don't moniter the way they should and as a result a lot of people aren't doing the job they are supposed to which means I have to work harder and I have to get the screaming clients. On top of that they moved jeanette to settlements and michel just left for brasil for like, a month or something ridiculous. so theres 3 of us in customer service. they expect 3 people to answer all incomming phone calls, call clients via the voicemails, and as a whole do a lot of work with not nearly enough people. when I first started there was 6 of us. Now we're down to 3. Nice. Everyone else has expanded. I want to be switched to data entry but with the whole economy going to shit I'm afraid of doing anything. I mean, they asked us if we want to go anywhere else to tell them its just that I want them to realize how hardworking I am and in order to do that I have to stay in customer service. my supervisor works right next to me and she knows how good I am. Um, chris is sick. He's been sick a few days. I think I might be getting his sickness I felt like shit for the last hour, I was ready to go home. Only thing stopping me is asking kim if i can leave, the fact that i only have 2 days paid time off and i cant afford to not get paid the full 40 hours, and the fact that theres only 3 of us. If I didn't come in that'd be only 2. How fucking unprofessional. Anyway, another problem with working customer service is theyre making us call clients now if they have missed a payment or two. Obviously if our client's are on a DEBT program where they are anywhere between 2,000-200,000 in debt and they are enrolling in our program so we can STOP harassing phone calls from creditors..and its us that is now going to be doing the harassing essentially. I hate doing that. But, as I said, whatever. Sam, my cat, has been pissing everywhere. We werent sure if he was peeing or spraying but yesterday chris caught him pissing on top of our curtains and then right after i caught him pissing on my fucking computer chair that i love. That dick. It was also my mom's birthday, so we went over there for dinner. I got her the josh groban christmas album like she asked and she screamed in joy. I also bought her a cute bathroom like, basket thing and chris is buying her giorgio armani perfume for christmas. I want to buy my sister a digital camera for christmas, but im so broke i don't know if i can. I still need to get something for mike, since hes giving me his bong as a present, and that thing cost $50. I just haven't the slightest idea what to get him. Noooo clue. Anyway, I need to get tony an obama shirt because thats what he wants. either that or the kung fu panda cd because my mothers 44 year old fiance is apparently in love with that movie. I get next thursday&friday off which I'm immensely excited about. I also got my camera and the lens, which i bought off ebay 'as is' thinking it was broken (it was an accident that i bid on it) but it was actually in good condition so i saved $40. Otherwise, um, I don't know. I'm so broke, but I believe that is mostly because of my doctors appointments. I've spent $195 in the last month on doctors expenses. I owe chris $100. But he's being easy with me and I'll pay him in january since in january i get 5 weeks of pay, and ill get refunded $78 from my ebay purchase so ill be really happy in january hopefully. chris might lose his job soon but as long as he works until january he'll be good for a few months to pay rent and such thankfully. anyhoot, back to work.

Mon, 24 Nov 2008 17:50:47 GMT

well, im so lazy about updating. Lately my life is exactly the same. I like it. I work mondays-fridays. Heres a run down of my weekdays:
we wake up around 730am and lay around the bed. i usually scratch his back, maybe some sex, generally we just lazy it up till 8am and then rush to get ready. he drops me off at work, and i work. work is really stressful, we're severly understaffed and the phone systems have been awful. today and friday i couldn't make outbound calls and today we're not even getting any incomming so we've just been sitting around internetting for the most part. kim is on her cell phone completing her tasks haha but shes the supervisor.
i have lunch at 1, and i get off work at 4:55pm. chris picks me up. then we'll usually figure out whats for dinner, rent a movie, maybe visit the pier or do whatever errands we have to do such as going to the bank or winn dixie or something. then we'll go home, eat our dinner, watch a movie, shower, and sleep. repeat. i love it though. chris is a little wary because he doesn't mind laying and cuddling but i get stoned and watch the movies and he wants to, like, bond. he really likes me. its refreshing and at times too much in the sense that i like to be alone. he has all week off from his primary job and hes working tomorrow from 5-12 at his second job so he'll pick me up, drop me home, and ill spend the day by myself. I'll play my sims and watch bones (we're renting the 3rd season of bones this week, i made him promise in exchange for renting cloverfield last night although he hated it anyway). So I'm very excited about that. I love Bones. Also, I have thursday and friday off from work which is great. I've been trying to get my nikon d50 online lately, so that i don't have to tell my dad i lost it. and then with christmas gifts coming im broke but i just looked online the black friday sales and what im gonna probably do is ask my mom to take me to walmart. I want to buy chris a nice cheap digital camera and my sister a shirt or two. I want to buy my mom...oh god knows what i'll get her. I want to get my dad something also, and maybe a little small thing for carolina and my roommate mike. Besides that nothing else. This week will be nice. Wednesday is Lizzie's birthday, thursday im going to miami for thanksgiving and friday ill shop and maybe learn how to fish with chris, pat, and pat's gf. the 7th chris and i will be 3 months although even my mom thought it was longer. I can't say I love chris, because thats scary, but I do really like him very much. We saw twilight this weekend and he really liked it a lot which was great. then we bought whole foods goodies, such as my favorite alfredo pasta things and we ate some last night with pork that i cooked. I also did all our laundry (he doesn't have all his clothes at my house since he is unofficially living with me, but he does have a fair amount). He did all the dishes which grossed him out since he hadn't done it for like a week, and i took out the trash. it took him the whole time haha. Anyways, so..hm. what else? Not much. I love the cracker barrel now. Chris got me into their hot open roast beef sandwiches and their mac and cheese make me beyond happy. Chris works sundays during the day at the pier from 11-530ish and i go with him sometimes. i went yesterday. its fun. theres this nice restaurant called kelly's right next door and he gets a 20% discount and they have nice cheap breakfasts. I went to the doctor last week. I got a new tattoo 2 weeks ago and its infected. My skin disorder made this one area infected. Its weird, because the whole tattoo is fine and its only the heart area that got pus-y. it sucked. it scabbed, pussed up, peeled off, and scabbed and pussed again. finally i went to the doctor last tuesday. they said that its infected and ive been taking..ciprofloxacin or something. its only for 10 days. the whole rest of the tattoo has healed and almost all of its peeled, except the heart. Its just a scab. The doctor also said I have to see a gyno, i have to get surgery for my skin condition, i have to go back for blood work and my jaw isn't straight so whenever im at work and i talk too much it hurts. that sucks, he said theres nothing to do for it right now so i just have to wait. chris is here for lunch with me :). hes so great, im so glad i have him. he takes me to/from work, he buys almost all my meals, he lends me money if i need it and doesn't care. he buys my cat catnip and plays with him for up to an hour sometimes. hes willing to be late for work so i don't have to take a bus home, and he does my dishes. he's also saying he's willing to paint my whole room for me and he fixes problems i have with my house such as making sure my ac is ok, he found my filter in my dryer and cleaned it, he takes out my trash and has bought me paper towels, dishes, cups, my dish tray, my tupperwear, the tin foil i have, glass plates to bake brownies, etc etc. He's amazing. My mom is too. She's bought me towels for cleaning, she came over and cleaned my whole house one day for 3 hours, shes the one that took me to the doctor and was even a half hour late for work because i went to the wrong place and so she picked me up again and took me to the next place. they're amazing. and my aunt catia and i have gotten closer than we've ever been because of chris and i visiting her house. We went to her house a week ago and had dinner with her and her husband and my cousins. I played with the little cousin who's not even 2 and chris entertained joseph who's 8 while they googled redneck and such. Catia and I chit-chatted. I dunno, everything is really good with him. The only things that upset me is that he gets upset if i'm internetting around him or if i don't want to cuddle in bed with him. but it annoys me because we cant dedicate our whole life to each other 24/7. but its cos he wants us to have 'quality time' and quality time for me is when we're watching the movies and its not for him since im stoned. his quality time is us not having anything but each other to focus on so we don't actually spend a lot of time like that, but whatever. Otherwise he always tries to prove me wrong. Like, he doesn't do it like that. He just does it without meaning to but it annoys me if I know something and hes like, 'actually thats not correct.' oh and when we talk about my health and how he's telling me what to do. Otherwise, its all good in our hood. I have to go to lunch soon. I believe this is long enough.

Mon, 03 Nov 2008 13:26:37 GMT

Well, my life is preety repetitive. I mean, its great! I love it. Chris and I are still together, quite happily. We haven't fought yet. At least, not in the real sense. We bicker sometimes, I like it. the only time we're unhappy with each other is like, when we go too far. Like, yesterday morning I kept pretending to pinch Chris because he'd totally spazz out and it made me laugh a lot. But it made him upset with me. But then he took a nap and when he woke up he cuddled up with me and apologized for being upset, even though he had a right to. Yesterday we also voted. We spent almost 5 hours, no lie, waiting in line. He voted McCain. I voted Obama. We got our stickers and then went to the pier to visit our favorite people. Vernell and Pat. We stayed there for about an hour chit chatting and then we got chinese food and went home. But chris barely ate anything, and he hadn't eaten all day. I'm a little worried. But today I'm cooking steaks and he'll eat that so yeah. He gained a little weight and people are starting to mention it so I'm worried he's eating too much less. Whatever. Sigh. I care about him a lot. On Friday we're going to get my next tattoo. And celebrating our 2 months, but not. Because he doesn't believe in too much celebration tilll the 6 month mark. Anyway. Off to work.

Tue, 14 Oct 2008 16:16:50 GMT

Well, god knows how long its been since I've updated. Umm, life is great. Amazing, in fact. I have absolutely no complaints. Well, I mean, I could have more money but mike is paying me $230 next week plus my check so I'll have plenty then. My days are great. Chris spends the nights a lot lately, just recently. Its nice. He plays with my back so I can fall asleep and he adjusts to my kicking. Its great. Yesterday I actually cooked dinner for mike, chris and I. And it was actually good. I made steaks with an alfredo pasty thing (although that was from a box) and chris made some premade garlic bread. It was all delicious, especially the steaks if I do say so myself. Saturday Chris and I took a long drive, we went to pahokee and clewiston and belle glade, sebring and a bunch of little towns on the way. We ate at a sonnys and this cute little boy didn't take his eyes off me. We also saw lake okechobee and a bunch of really pretty places. I'm desperate to get a little digital camera. We went home and watched miss pettigrew lives for a day. Sunday we went to muvico and watched lakeview terrace, we also got some sandwiches and headed over to the pier where my kittens (actually, 2 boys, but I call them my kittens) were there. Mike and Victor, such good boys. Chris fished a bit too, we saw his friend Suki catch a black nosed shark I think its called? God knows, there's so much fish information I have to retain, Chris has been doing this for 12 years hardcore, but he's been fishing since he was 5 so I'm definately behind (he's 24). Otherwise, I've been chatting with Dibbie a lot. Ariel and I obviously don't talk since she owes me $650 and moved out without notice. Yesterday we finished some of no country for old men but gods is it boring, so we paused it. We had rented 88 minutes and baby mama I think? With tina fey and amy poehlr? Am I completely off? Who knows, bt we watched a lot of that but then I got sleepy so we went to bed. I cooked rice and beans and steaks for us, it was great. Chris bought the steaks. And he had reeces for dessert. I had pop tarts I bought. I only have, like, $130 in my bank account but mike owes me $250 saturday, which will be good. And my job is funny. Sometimes annoying but inner office humor helps, Kim is our supervisor but she's great, very funny when she's in a good mood, which is hard when she's fully running 3 different departments. Customer service, enrollments, and debt settling. The 3 biggest departments. She's also a single mom with 3 boys from 8-15 and a 19 year old niece she's supporting. So strong. Anyway, yesterday chris spent the night. He was supposed to get up at 6am, turned his alarm to 630. Then he turned it of and said he'd wake up at 730 with me. We woke up and then he comprimised me petting his back for an extra 10 minutes means he buys me a hash brown. I have an insane love for hash browns. This weekend we're going to miami to see my dad, we may ride his boat. Fun fun. Chris might be working the pier today, and since I get off a little early to avoid working overtime he offered to drive me home and go late to the pier but I told him I'd go with him. So if he works ill go for a few hours and take the bus home or something. I like the pier a lot. Otherwise we'll go home, finish no country and the baby mama movie and maybe cook something. I dunno. I kinda want pizza. I did buy some frozen ones. Meh. Whatever. Anyway, I have to go back to work but here's photos from our trips.

Mon, 22 Sep 2008 15:45:46 GMT

Well, my weekend was great. Friday I got to go to the beach with Chris, we met up with people to shark fish. I had to watch victor pee, so he is truly dicktor. Mike, my 13 year old child, is beyond adorable. He always sits next to me, I love him. Zach is still insane, and his gf sarah is nice..but she seems young. Granted chris and I have a huge age difference but I think she's 16, and that's dicktors age which is just weird. I met this kid ian, who everyone calls 'googan boy' which isn't nice. A googan, from what they've told me, is someone who's a terrible fisherman but thinks they know it all. I don't know anything so my mouth just stays shut. Ian seems gay, but Zach says his 'gay dar' doesn't go off. Then Pat was there also, pissed cos his gf didn't come. But I can see why shed hate it there. And I told him that. To which he replied, 'so why don't you hate it?' and I sais because its fun. Which it is. But I can see how bored she is. Eventually Chris got tired so we left. Went home. Smoked with mike and we watched some movie. Then saturday I woke up, woke chris up, and we drove down to miami. He met my dad and my family and they all loved him it was amazing. My dad shook his hand and asked questions, Carolina invited us to all these family get togethers. Joshua, the 3 1/2 year old, hugged him. So did Derrick. Fabricio hugged me, and I got to play with Bridgette. I finally met Luna, the youngest, but she just cried whenever I held her. Chris and I made plans to go back next sunday, spend the whole day. After we left miami we drove to key west. It was bike week, and I was on my period so we didn't stay too long. Walked aroundd and saw some sights, ate dinner, and then left. We saw women with their titties popping out colored funky and a bunch of assless chaps. We also got to feed tarpon! Coolest thing ever. Also creepiest. We got lost in miami heading home, I finally got in around 230 and watched a bit of johnny cash with mike before sleeping. Sunday chris didn't wake up till, like, 4pm. We went and saw house bunny, which was hilarious. This one woman in the movie was beyond great, I cried laughing. Then we went to the draft house and listened to zachs story about him and his friends super gluing gay pride stickers and tea bagging this drunk passed out dude named Mcdaniel..then they got into a fight with a ghetto dude for busting this womans window. Just your basic night in zachs life. Chris works his second job sunday nights so he dropped me off at home. That was my awesome weekend. That's what tarpon looks like!

Fri, 19 Sep 2008 12:30:42 GMT

I'm barely updating now. But, in my defense, I barely use my phone. I mean, I still work. Every day. I still love my job but its getting harder and harder. Not because its changing, but because I'm changing. I spend all day texting chris and then I spend all night with chris and it doesn't feel like enough. As soon as I leave his car I start to miss him, and its not even just missing him.. I don't know. I feel so lame having such strong emotions for someone I've just started dating him. Everything is great, though. We're just running out of things to do. I don't like taking him to my house. Our relationship is doing really well and I don't want sex complicating anything. we've only just moved up to second base yesterday and that's just because of my decision. He's leaving it completely and entirely up to me because he says he's afraid of messing things up. He knows I can react to things in two different ways, ill either like it or get mad and stop kissing him which he doesn't want. I also limit kissing to mostly just goodnight sessions in his car parked outside my house like some weird kids. Haha. Speaking of home, I got into a big fight with ariel about working last weekend. A friend of mine, who had gotten ariel the part time job she has now needed her to do some work for her and I agreed because it was on the weekends when ariel works. Well it turned out she had a day off so I told her great, she can work for diana then. But she didn't want to because she had other plans. It upset me to no end I was so angry and crying. I ended up working 14 hours that day, even though I'm the one that makes more than enough for rent. So I told her if she deosnt make rent this month, the 1st, then she's out. Sarahs bf mike was wanting to move in and he works 3 jobs so he can afford it. We were gonna wait to see what she does before we make any decisions but then mike got kicked out of his house. So he's going to pay us $200 to sleep on the couch. Sounds great. I'm thinking if she doesn't make rent ill let mike decide if he wants her room and shell either pay what he's paying or move out. Her choice. I don't like that he's moving in today while I'm not home but whatever. He leaves for california in december so its temporary. Although I don't know if he is moving or not because I doubt they will, so eh. Chris and I will stop byafter I get off work and see him before we go to dinner and the beach with pat, zach, mike and victor. They're going to shark fish. I love it. Then tomorrow chris and I are going to key west, then fishing at islamorada, then we're going home and sunday ill probably clean my house and have chris come over. Because we like, spend all day together. haha. Anyway I have to work now. Here's the sunflower chris bought me.

Tue, 09 Sep 2008 15:37:01 GMT

I love my job. The servers are down so we're all at the office doing absolutely nothing. Everyone is either chit chatting or internetting although we're technically 'not supposed to'
Chris is coming at 1:30 to take me to this place for lunch ive been dying to go to but it closes at 4 and I work till 5. I've been coming to work earlier so I have extra time for my lunch hour and so chris and i are going to go. He's so lovely. Yesterday he picked me up from work and we picked up pat&tiff and went to a store in dania. then we took the long way home passing las olas and a1a because he knows i love driving down there. finally we went to walgreens so i could get my shampoo and ariel a cigar and then we went to flanigans for dinner. because he knows i have an unhealthy love for their cesar burgers. the day before we went around all day going fishing at the pier and i helped my sister with her poetry and we went to this place called the drafthouse and heard his friend zach talk about his hatred for 'emos' and loled at the karaoke they were showing. saturday chris and i drove to sunrise, then to clewiston/lake okechobee, then we went to ft myers and naples. he asked me out that day, but i told him i didn't know. then he asked me out on sunday and I agreed. I mean, I didn't really want a relationship right now I was just hanging out and working and I went on these adorable dates with Ashley but..whatever. Chris is just so wonderful. Plus with all the drama in my life its great to relax with him. I don't have to worry about anything because I know he's there and hes safe. Alex and I got into this ridiculous fight over it last night because he doesn't think I like chris for him, whatever. Ariel got a job part time at a restaurant but its only friday-sunday. She cut her finger on sunday and last night it started bleeding everywhere, she wanted me to help her but i was sleeping and way too grossed out by it so she called her mom to take her to the hospital. I felt like shit about it this morning though. Meh. Anyway, I have to take my break. I hope I'll have photos to show soon. I took a zillion on my sidekick but my memory chip has a virus so i had to take it out and the pictures are on there. :)

Thu, 28 Aug 2008 11:52:34 GMT

I seriously get upset when I read or hear or think about other kids who I've went to school with and have turned out completely different. Like, Genevieve is supposed to go to new york city in a month to work and then go to college. This boy who I had middle school with is going to nyu. Other people are running off to fsu and fau and all that other shit and I'm left here. I work 40 hour weeks (46 if you include my breaks and the travel time to/from work. I don't have a car. I don't have bread in my own house. I have debts! 19 and I have debts. I have to pay $150 to wamu, $250 for la fitness, $140 for a fucking express shirt because I never received the statements and then my options are to settle the debts which means I don't pay it in full but that would reflect on my credit reports for up to 7 years. Do I really want to be 26 and turned down for something because when I was a snotty 19 year old I decided to fuck around with my debts? I'm fucking 19 and I have debts for christs sake. I mean, if Ariel had a job itd be a lot different because then I'd have about an extra $500-$600 a month. But she doesn't yet. So I have to worry. I can't pay off my debts. My only pair of jeans has a small hole and when it gets bigger in a few wears I can't use them anymore. That means I have to buy new jeans, and a new bra since one of mine broke last week. If my dad doesn't come up with the $500 deposit that becomes my responsibility. I'm not old enough to grow up. Its amazing how things would be different with just one or two adjustments. But I can't think about that I have to accept what I've gotten myself into and just try and survive. It just makes me sad when I think about people who's lives are so easy when mines is so not. When I think about how I'm supposed to spend the next 40 years working to spend a few years alive before I croak and leave this earth just as insignificantly as the rest of the people in this world who ill be working with while people like misha go to nyu and don't worry about money and will live to do something significant.

Wed, 27 Aug 2008 13:14:04 GMT

I know I neglect my ljland but its been a crazy week or so. On friday Ariel and I had to move out. I borrowed money from my mom and chris which sucked. My mom was ok, my dad gave me $150 which is already in her bank account..but chris.. It sucked having to borrow money from him. I cried big ol tears right in front of him. I felt sick about it. Ariel was at the new house with Marielle cleaning so that sucked. Then my mom came and we moved some things in one trip, just the essentials. I still have a lot of stuff at her house. I have my computer and a lot of clothes left but ill get that later no big deal. We moved into this house, actually. Its this huge house that's split into two and one half is on the back, its a 2 story place and then in the front is a one story two bedroom little joint. That's where we live. Its a 2 bedroom one bathroom with a fairly large kitchen and dining room and living room. I love it. The bus I take to/from work is so close to my house, its only like a block and a half away. It sucks because I have to wake up 40 minutes earlier even though its not far but the second bus gets me there at 8:20 and if its late I'm late so I'm just going to bed real early. Ariel lost her part time job on monday. They laid her off because they're wayy too slow but whatever. She went job hunting yesterday, poor girl. She had to walk from our house to her moms house then from her moms house to sample road. There's a good 2 or 3 mile walk. But she stopped by her moms and got things we needed. Some seasoning, ketchup, some cinnamon, bus change, and the best part is she brought home movies! Since we don't have any cable whatsoever we desperately needed it. Yesterday we watched..um..don't tell mom the babysitters dead, which I'd never seen, and I watched half of wish upon a star but I got really sleepy and went to sleep. I forgot to talk about my weekend. On saturday we were really bored. So we dyed my hair a little purple, its subtle, people haven't noticed. Then we decided to throw a little shindig. My friend Ashley wanted to hang out and so did ariels friend mark. So I also invited mike and sarah over. Mark came much later but ashley came over first. We gave her $20 because she bought a huge thing of vodka for us, she also got a whole cheap bottle of wine for herself. Mike and Sarah came and we all played ring of fire, or well tried to. Ariel got piss drunk and mike was acting all sorts of weird. Eventually mike and sarah left. Then since Ashley has a baby and a husband waiting up she left too. I vomited crystal lite everywhere, which shocked everyone because I seemed the sober-est. We also met our neighbors kevin and jason who live right across the street and offered us pot. Love them. Mark came later on that night when I was already asleep. I woke up sunday morning and mark was sleeping in ariels room and ariel was awake and cleaning. Hehe. My mom and my sister stopped by because I needed some of my work shirts and some midol. Mark woke up, unaware of where he was. He stayed for like an hour or so and then left. Then shortly after my mom and ana left to go have breakfast at home. Chris came by on sunday, because he missed our shindig since he was in stuart..just for fun. We spent a few hours just sitting on the couch chit chatting. Then he left to go have dinner with his friend, ariel had taken a nap but she woke up and we had dinner. mike came over to supply me weed and he hung out to smoke and our neighbor clint, who's from antigua. We all hung out smoking till mike left to sleep and I had a tummy cramp so I went to sleep shortly after. Monday wasn't anything significant I don't think and yesterday we watched movies, had chicken burgers, and I went to sleep early. Woke up today with 2 people sleeping on our couch and I didn't know who it was. I walked to my bathroom in a shirt and panties and saw them when I came out. I ran into ariels room and woke her up. She said clints gf is sick and they needed to sleep in ac. So my blind ass didn't see him. Speaking of, I may have lost my glasses. Anyway I'm at work now, and that's all I really have for ya. Here's photos. Our place is really empty. And I didn't show the photo of my bedroom cos I have no sheets haha. :)

Wed, 06 Aug 2008 21:29:14 GMT

I'm pissed. I had some nasty customers today, and they were rude and one of them held me up for a few minutes after when I'm supposed to leave for work. The problem is that now I'm stuck sitting around waiting for the bus. Whether or not this was because of me having to stay later for a disgruntled client (although she had some right to be angry) we'll never know. All I know is because I rushed out of there I left my sandals at work so I'm wearing constricting shoes and I can't take them off. Oh, I see the bus! God its so hot I'm sweating profusely and I brought my sweater with me so I'm sweating in long work pants, leather flats, and I have to carry my bag and a big black sweater. :(
Otherwise everythings, like, ok. I mean, ariel and I are getting a little tese but its because she doesn't address her problems with me. Actually I don't really address my problems either. I mean, on one hand, she's my best friend and shed never let me down and such.. And I mean she cooks for me and cleans and does the dishes which is my job.. But I dunno. I feel like a piece of shit for being angry. Its just that she causes problems, and it isn't her fault but it is because of her. Like, my mom hates her and it puts a strain on our already really strained relationship. I'm so upset and stressed constantly because I need $1500 for my car and $1800 to move out and I only make $1300 a month. And ariels not working, and my mom wants ariel out in 2 weeks. I work 5 days a week and as soon as I get money I'm not allowed to touch it because I have to save as much as possible and ariels not working. I know how hard it is to find a job, it took me months to find another one after my jimmy johns job..but at the same timer I've found 2 jobs on cl and she's never found one. And I changed her resume in june so it sounds really fucking awesome. And I know she has plenty to be pissed at me about, but I mean..shit. I'm waking up at 730am every day and I don't get home till around 530 or 6pm and I don't get to reek any of the benefits. But still. Ariel only has me. So I'm trying to be good. I just bought her her favorite flavored cigar. Omg. I'm walking home, I have no shoes on and I look like shit.. My pants are all the way down and I fucking see chris and he fucking gives me the thumbs up. WHAT THE FUCK.

Tue, 29 Jul 2008 20:25:30 GMT

Dear LJ (and danny, who only reads this to see n00dz),
I know I only write to bitch but life is pretty good. I LOVE my job. I really do. Its really stressful but its so much fun, I love answering calls and speaking to people and such. I love wearing pretty shirts everyday. I get reception in my cubbie, which is important to me. I love myfriends, ariel and sarah. They're really nice and supportive of me. Ariels moved in so her and I hang out all day which is great. She takes good care of me, and I hope I do the same. Like, I try. I mean, I'm looking up apartments and I found her her job and stuff..I bought her ciggies yesterday because..she wanted some and it was buy one get one free and I had just spent some money on pot so it makes sense. Because its not just my money, its our money. I mean, we'll be living together and working stuff out together. Cos I make more money then she will, but still. We depend on each other. Right now for wexample I'm wearing her pants and her shirt haha but right now she's at my house because of her getting kicked out. We scratch each others back. Anyway, I have to finish work. Here's some photos from yesterday

Mon, 28 Jul 2008 18:31:49 GMT

I have a good job that I enjoy doing, I have great friends. I'm getting a car and moving out of my house and into a 2 bedroom apartment with Ariel hopefully by the end of the month. Why am I so envious of someone who's biggest problem is dorm rooms? Even if they are going to the college of MY CHOICE which I gave up on that dream.. I've settled for an easy scholarship and such so I can attend an easy florida school and get my easy degree and do the easy things in life and I don't know. I wish I could move out of state and attend a college of my choice. I mean, sure, at least I won't be in debt..but I also never got to live the dream. I never got to experience anything the way any normal kid did. I don't know. I just wish I was in NY going to NYU and not stuck at my office job worrying about bus fare because my best friend got kicked out yesterday and I have to worry about her getting a job asap so we can leave my mothers house because I'm no longer very welcome.
I also need to see a doctor. And I've been breaking out.
On happier notes, I do love my job. Today is my first day working alone and I'm a happy camper getting to do the work. But god does it give me headaches.
And since ariel got kicked out my mom and tony are letting her stay with me till we move out. They're bringing a mattress and putting it into my room so she can sleep there.
And I like this girl named drea and she likes me back and she's not insane like the last ones were. She's just..herself. She isn't perfect, she's very shy, she's just cute and adorable and I like her.
Also, my dads putting the downpayment on a car for me in a few weeks as a late present, which is good.
Sigh. Whatever. Anyway, I've gotta get back to work. Here's the pictures from my birthday, before it got ruined, and the most beautiful cake ever, which started the argument between my mother and I. Ariel and Marielle spent hours baking and decorating that amazing cake for me.
P.s. I'm taking my shirt off to give to my sister, who was cold, I wore 2 shirts. Brians just a pervert. :)

Wed, 16 Jul 2008 12:28:41 GMT

Well, I'm currently sitting on the benches of an office building. As of right now it is my office building too because I work here. At least, I start to at 8:30am. But I'm early, tony dropped me off a little while ago so I'm killing time. Its a job I came for an interview last week or the week before for a secretary position, and they didn't hire me, but they said they'd keep my application in case something else showed up and it did. I'm not sure why kind of a job it is, but I know it involves making phone calls. The kittens are good, just hanging out. Sarah took the orange one last night and I have to tell brian to pick up his today or tomorrow. I actually hung out with steph on monday. She and her two friends came over for a bit, we watched the spiderwick chronicles and brian came cos I invited him. Then we all went to james's house and had fun, the boys and steph played rock band. Me and the other girls, alex and a girl named dayana came later on, were just chillin. Dayana was hitting on Steph because she likes her. Even though she's 24 and steph turned 18 5 months ago. Alex and I were just chatting, she's a nice person. Thought my sister was hot haha. Umm, ariel and I are good. Her phone got shut off and so we don't talk as much, cos I can only reach her if she's on aim and I don't like talking to her on aim. Her laptop wire is breaking and when that's done the computer is finished, so ill only have one way of reaching her and that is to call her house. She came over last night, her uncle dropped her, and we ate these awesome grilled cheese sammiches. Then her friend came over. His name is um.. Scott. He was ok. Whatever. I just stayed in my room trying to catch some sleep by watching Law & Order. I got to sleep around 3. Woke up before 7:30. First time I'm up this early in agggges. And I lost my concealor, didn't have enough time to shower, I think my clothes mismatch (although my shirt is adoooorable!) and I'm just a freakoutfest. Ariel came last night with like, literally 6 pairs of pants for me. Three are dressy. It pwns. Cos those pants are expensive to buy, I was on a vair limited budget. I might get this dodge intrepid from my cousins husbands dealer soon, if my dad can come up with an extra $300. Or if I can. If I don't get fired from this job and work.. 4 days here. I hope its a full time job. Because if I'm making $400 a week then I can move out if I want to, or just pay off sooo many bills. Within a month I could pay off everything. My gym membership, my bank account (its like, negative $180), get my new retainer which is $200, get my car insurance, get some glasses, wax my eyebrows, and still have money leftover to put into savings for A TATTOO. WOOHOO. Heh. I already have the design and everything, I just need the like.. $200 or w/e. Although I might wait till my 3rd check for that because I wanna make sure I stay in my job and ill have the money to spend as well as save. I'd like to save up a LOT. My birthday is in 8 days. I didn't want to have a party but if I don't ill feel just as bad so I don't know what to do. And its on a thursday. What an unsexy day. Ariels birthday was on a friday, we rawked out. Ugh, anyway, its time to go to work. Wish me luck! Pray I don't get fired!